What is the definition of impossible?
An elephant trying to blow his nose on apiece of confetti.

What is the elephants' favourite football team?
Trunkmere Rovers.

What is the elephants' favourite Underground station?
The Elephant and Castle.

What is the elephant's least favourite carol?
'The Holly and the Ivory'.

What is the first thing an elephant does in the morning?
Gets up.

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride an elephant?
The ground!

What is the largest ant?
An elephant.

What is white on the outside, grey on the inside and lays heavy on your stomach?
An elephant sandwich.

What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
An elephant with a nose bleed.

What is worse than an elephant on water skis?
A porcupine in a rubber ring.