It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession.

The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.

The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"

The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

There was this guy who bought an elderly circus elephant; I don't know why. Alas, he couldn't afford to feed it. He'd never seen an elephant jump with all 4 feet off the ground. So he started a contest: entry was $10, and the first person to get the elephant to jump with all 4 feet off the ground would get $50,000.

All sorts of people tried, but nobody could get the elephant to jump. Finally, this little guy arrives in a limousine. He's carrying a baseball bat. He walks up to the elephant, swings the bat, right on the elephants foot. Needless to say, the elephant jumps, and the owner pays out the $50,000.

Unfortunately, the owner had barely collected enough to cover the prize, so he ran another contest. He'd never seen an elephant swing its head back and forth as if to say, "no."

Same deal as before: $10 per entry, $50,000 prize. Lots of people try and fail.

Then the little guy shows up in his limousine again, pulls out his bat, and walks up to the elephant. He says, "Remember me?"

The elephant nods yes.

The man says holds up his bat and says, "Want me to use this again?"

The elephant nods his head rather emphatically no....

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book - 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.

The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 90s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"