How do you make an elephant sandwich?
First of all you get a VERY big loaf...

How do you make an elephant sit up and beg?
Wave a peanut under its trunk.

How do you make an elephant stew?
Keep it waiting for 2 hours.

How do you recognize elephants in a swimming pool?
They're the ones with the grey trunks.

How do you run over an elephant?
Climb up its tail, dash to its head, and slide down its trunk.

How do you scold an elephant?
Say 'tusk, tusk'.

How do you shoot a purple elephant?
With a purple elephant gun.
How do you shoot a white elephant?
Jump on his back, choke him till he's purple, then shoot him with a purple elephant gun.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit cards.

How do you stop an elephant getting through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in his tail.

How do you tell an elephant from a monster?
A monster never remembers.